Next to me
by Rhombea
Summary: 3 insights on moments, Judar realized that he was in the wrong. And yet, Kenmei was always right there, next to him.


_Something about the way that you walked into my living room_

 _Casually and confident lookin' at the mess I am_

 _But still you, still you want me_

 _Stress lines and cigarettes, politics, and deficits_

 _Late bills and overages, screamin' and hollerin'_

 _But still you, still you want me_

"Man, I'm exhausted," Judar complained, raising his arms into the air and stretching his back. The cushions on his back let him lean back easily, supporting his body which felt tired after consuming half a bottle of liquor. From the glass in his hand, a few drops of the pinkish peach drink falling from its brim, dirtying the white bed sheets. Not that he minded it at all, this late in the morning, servants would change them anyway. Yawning, he reached over to Kenmei, driving his fingers through her black hair. The girl laid face down in the pillows, nudging her head upwards slightly against his hand as she felt his touch. "You don't have any right to complain," she mumbled, the pillow making her voice even more muffled as it already was. "You just disappeared when all the people came to talk to you, leaving me all alone with their questions."

There was a hint of frustration resonating in the tone she gave him, though it only made him grin. "I didn't want to deal with them." Judar took his hand back, leaned it over to the side table and poured himself another drink. For a second he thought about filling Kenmei's glass too, but since it stood on the other side of the bed and her ears already had a deep red color, he decided not to. "And I mean, it was way more fun to watch you storm into this room and tearing up when you saw me." His side was hit with one of the smaller pillows, as Kenmei prompted herself up on her arms, giving him an angry look. "That's because you had the nerve to just sit here and drink!" Letting out an audible breath, Judar just shrugged, downing his glass thoughtfully. "You're so unfair…" she whined, tilting her head to the side and away from him, staring outside through the window at the night sky.

 _Oh, I always let you down_

 _You're shattered on the ground_

 _But still, I find you there_

 _Next to me_

 _And oh, stupid things I do_

 _I'm far from good, it's true_

 _But still, I find you_

 _Next to me (next to me)_

 _Maybe_ , so he thought, _it really wasn't quite fair_. Maybe Kenmei had a point. Perhaps he shouldn't have done it. But at that moment? He thought it was better to get away before any of the stupid questions dared to bother his incredible mind. Judar didn't think of consequences for his partner. Truthfully, she'd have to speak for him too, but she managed that just fine, maybe even better than him. In any case, there she was again, sulking. Peeking over the glass rim, he gazed at his partner, who was sighing into her pillow. Most of her red garments she had already kicked off, as he could see some of the fabric laying around on the bedroom floor. However, she seemed comfortable enough in the rest that still covered her body, softly tending to her skin and hiding it away from anyone's eyes.

Judar knew she had put a lot of effort to look flawless today. After all he had asked her to come with him to this very formal meeting. She would have spent even more hours in the bathroom if not for Judar shooing her away so he could get ready too. By now, even he was sure that it was pretty awful of him to leave her there alone. She had anticipated the festivity so much. Done her hair, put on make-up, only to later say it was nothing at all. But even though he knew how anxious she had been, he had still left her all alone, like an idiot. Not that he regretted it, but he pitied her a small tad. It's the alcohol speaking, he told himself, slowly circling his glass in his hand and making the contents swirl around. Swiftly switching the glass from his right hand into his left, he reached out again, taking some strands of her hair closer to him and letting them run through his fingers, twirling and twisting around. For a second she pulled up her feet, alternating in letting them bump into the mattress again and making him smirk. Obviously, Kenmei enjoyed his attention and Judar? Judar simply enjoyed her presence.

 _There's something about the way that you always see the pretty view_

 _Overlook the blooded mess, always lookin' effortless_

 _And still you, still you want me_

 _I got no innocence, faith ain't no privilege_

 _I am a deck of cards, vice or a game of hearts_

 _And still you, still you want me_

"Judar!" He heard her voice from behind, as she approached quickly. The magi flopped down, feeling both exhausted from his recent magical output and from having to deal with a huge amount of enemies. Their bodies were strewn all over the battlefield, and the view wasn't as pretty as he'd like it to be. However, even though she gasped at the sight that unfolded in front of her once she reached him, the worry in her eyes as she looked at him saved him from the grim reminder that the battlefield was. "I'm so glad I found you," she said, letting some of the tension out of her body, as she took a deep breath and clutched her chest. "You're wounded…" she noted, kneeling down beside him. Almost immediately when she reached out her hand towards him, a cool, calming force field erected, the rukh working hard to heal him. He knew she was troubled, but for the moment she held herself together, prioritizing him and the few slashes he had to endure. She would have overseen anything if it was for his sake, Judar believed.

There was a short moment of silence, the healing progressing towards the end, before she mumbled, "You did it, Judar." He only grimaced at her, replying in an frustrated tone, "Of course I did. What did you expect? I took them all out, one after another!" Judar made a small pause between his sentences, leaning back as the healing magic did its deed. Even after all the time he knew her, nothing ever got to him like her healing. Even though the water magic made it a rather cold procedure, it was filled with her feelings. Almost a weird feeling, being able to heal with a cold magic, that was always warm and comforting to him. His gaze went over the countless dead bodies, then to his lover. Her face was stern, she was concentrated. Kenmei was concentrating on healing him and not being disturbed by the countless dead bodies before her. "Nobody else could have…" he started, ending mid-sentence, noticing how her countenance grew dark and she bit her lower lip, as his voice reached her. _Nobody else could have killed them like I did_ , was what he had wanted to say. But he didn't. Not in front of her. Not as long as she bore being with him.

 _Oh, I always let you down_

 _You're shattered on the ground_

 _But still, I find you there_

 _Next to me_

 _And oh, stupid things I do_

 _I'm far from good, it's true_

 _But still, I find you_

 _Next to me (next to me)_

The pale blue field slowly dissolved, leaving him back at the fresh air. Kenmei took a deep breath, wiping some sweat pearls off her forehead before she looked at him again. "How are you feeling?" she asked, her body tense again after working on healing him. "Good," he said, indifferent on how he was supposed to feel after all this. Judar couldn't look back at her, fearing she'd ask more unnecessary questions that he didn't feel like answering in that moment. From her kneeled position, she slowly flopped backwards, landing on her butt with a small thud. "Okay…" she said, slowly adding, "I was worried." Judar snorted, doing that to emphasize how she never trusted in him. "You're so dumb, Kenmei. I am the greatest magician alive, why would I have any troubles with some small fries?" She only let out a sigh at his comment, looking at the dusty, brown ground that was between them. His brows furrowed, as he studied her face and poked one finger into her cheek, trying to get an reaction from her. She brushed his hand off, a harsh movement that didn't quite fit his image of her.

"Are you pouting?" he asked, expecting an answer with big eyes. Maybe that comment was too harsh, he thought to himself. Kenmei had a tendency to pout over how abrasive he could be, when in reality he didn't always mean it as such a hurtful comment as she made it out to be. The moment of silence that followed from her tore at his patience, and Judar felt himself getting frustrated. Helping himself up from the ground, he took some steps around her, leaving her behind. "Still, you could have been seriously injured…" Crossing his arms behind his head, he waited for something more to come, but there was nothing. _True_ , he thought.  
Next thing he knew, her hand was tugging on the fabric of his pants. "Let's go home…" she mumbled, starting to walk. He loosened his arms from the stretching motion, to which she immediately reached out, grasping for his hand. He didn't take it from her, as the two started to make their way back home, hand in hand.

 _Oh_

 _So thank you for taking a chance on me_

 _I know it isn't easy_

 _But I hope to be worth it (oh)_

 _So thank you for taking a chance on me_

 _I know it isn't easy_

 _But I hope to be worth it (oh)_

The tree he was sitting in, was in full bloom. The green leaves swayed in the summer breeze, and it put Judar in a good mood. At his side was Kenmei, peeling away the skin of a rosy peach, trying to prepare it for him. The fruit juice ran down her hand and arm, some of it dripping onto her clothes. "I have an awful boyfriend," she complained, a soft smile resting on her lips, while her eyes focused on the peach in her left and the knife in her right hand. "He always lets me do everything for him! Like a child, he can do nothing for himself!" There was a teasing undertone in her voice, and Judar replied by sticking out his tongue at her for a moment. Kenmei must have known what he was doing, without having to look up, as she gave a short laugh back, carefully peeling the fruit in her hands.

"You can admit it, you like doing all these things for me," he spoke, haughty and with a wide grin on his lips. She carefully slit her knife into the peach, cutting out a piece of it and reaching it up to her mouth, before looking at him. "Me? Doing something for you? Never!" And with that she swallowed the fruit, making him gasp at her for acting so harshly. "You little! How dare you eat that!" Judar leaned forward, reaching his hands out for her, as Kenmei quickly held her arms to the other side, far away from him. "Judar, careful! The knife!" The two of them jostled a little, Judar determined to get his peach, while Kenmei felt herself slowly losing her seat on the branch. Letting go of the two items in her hand, she tried to steady herself by holding on to the arm of the tree, fearing to fall down, but Judar reacted faster. He quickly put his arms around her torso and pulled her back to himself against the trunk. For a moment they remained like this, before breathing out simultaneously. The small shock escaped their bones and their bodies relaxed.

"Thank you…" Kenmei mumbled, staring at the fruit and silver knife, which was shining through the grass on the ground. "Whatever…" he replied, but his actions were clearer than his words. Pulling her even closer against his chest, he hid his face in her hair, making her ask, "Judar? You okay?" He didn't reply. All he did was take in her scent and warmth. He could feel her body moving in his embrace and hear her steady breathing, calming him too. For a moment his heart had really sunken into his gut, when he saw her struggling to hold her balance. She was so clumsy but really, it had been his fault that she got in trouble in the first place. Maybe she was a klutz, but he should have known better and protected her. _What an awful boyfriend she has indeed_ , he thought.

It was then that he felt her hand slowly reaching for his shoulder, caressing him softly as if to tell him everything okay. She'd always say that to him. He believed it for once.

 _Oh, I always let you down (I always let you down)_

 _You're shattered on the ground, (shattered on the ground)_

 _But still, I find you there (yeah)_

 _Next to me_

 _And oh, stupid things I do (stupid things I do)_

 _I'm far from good, it's true_

 _But still, I find you_

 _Next to me (next to me)_

He was an awful boyfriend.

He gave her nothing but troubles and never apologized or appreciated her efforts.

Even if she didn't fall down that tree that day, she always ended up at point zero when she was with him. No matter if it was on the battlefield that she hated, but couldn't bear to let him go alone to, as she was way to afraid of losing him, or a formal event that he really didn't want to go, but that she took super serious, only to get disappointed by him again in the end.

And yet she always returned to him. He always found her smiling stupidly and acting like an idiot when she saw him. And she always scolded him, even though he never listened to one word she said. She got angry, sad, frustrated and wrecked whenever she was with him, having to push her boundaries and comfort away constantly. Judar never did her any good.

But she was always there nevertheless. Next to him.


End file.
